I went to bed and alas, I remembered the BLOG! Oh my....I
have 6 minutes....until the due date!! oops I'm a bit late....
Our speaker today, Geoff Colvin, was a dear man with oodles
of knowledge and experience. When I sit and think about it, he had one of the
most necessary passions for today. He has been striving to improve how people deal
with one another for many years. I worked in a Jr. High
school for 2 years with special needs kids. I went with them to mainstream
classes, learned some 7th grade science and U.S. History that I missed back then, and observed the classroom dynamics. Some of these teens were so apathetic to school. It was amazing they were even AT
school. I wasn't in a position of authority, however I was supposed to help
direct them in some activities. I was surprised and sad that so many of them
had given up to the point of not caring about anything. It wasn't because they weren't capable
or smart enough to learn the work. They were clearly discouraged and apathetic
about engaging in life. I am speculating, but they didn't know how to tackle
emotional conflicts; at home, with family members, peers, etc. People withdraw
when they are scared and confused, or they lash out. I'm sad to say the school
counselor seemed to be completely incompetent and even considered a joke to
many of the students. Relating to this age group is a niche and should not be
taken lightly. It's sad that a school administration wouldn't strive to get the
best person and effectively try to teach the kids applicable skills that would help them with
their lives. Additionally, the school district did nothing even when our
classroom of paraprofessionals informed them of our struggles with the head
teacher and our desire to learn team building skills. It is as if
"conflict resolution" is a foreign word, a foreign language. I'm so
philosophically curious about our collective resistance to the very thing that can
move us forward.
My take-away from yesterday. Our initial response to conflict, no matter who it is with, is the most important step in determining the direction a potential conflict will go.
I believe many people would be more interested in learning how to improve their communication skills and conflict management than they would be willing to go to a therapist or "shrink" as so many still think of psychologists. Jen said this was an emerging field (I can't remember what she called it) and that's exciting because it could be a great place where people can start to learn the basic skills that will help them at home and in every other aspect of life.
My question is, how willing are we, each one of us, to confront our ignorance and
shortcomings; our biases and prejudices, in order to create a more
pro-communication environment. How many of us are willing to admit even our
smallest irritations with others and actually look at them as a window into our
own growth? I try to do that. I try to admit to myself that I have shortcomings
and that those are places where my human-hood still has room to grow in order
to be more fully human. As Mr. Colvin said, I might not get it right today but
I will have another chance tomorrow. Everything that happens is a lesson if we
are willing to look at it that way.
Yesterday was one of my favorite days, because I think it's incredible to consider the sheer power each person has in controlling the evolution of each conflict situation we 'encounter.' I have always been fascinated in how this works with kids (or students), and I appreciate that we were able to discuss ways of managing the conflict respectfully, rather than using 'trickery' to get them to follow the rules. I think one of the biggest mistakes I have seen when working with students is the assumption that you have to manipulate them to do what you want--bribing for good behavior, tricking into following the rules, etc. To be fair, I'm not necessarily saying that there are not times with this seems to be the only solution. I'm definitely guilty of employing a couple of these tactics while babysitting--and it's not like I've never given kids ice cream AND popcorn, or let them stay up to watch a movie if they promised to behave...but I wonder how much of that was me being in charge, or them being in charge. Regardless, I think respecting students is a difficult thing for adults to do. Professor Colvin clearly has incredible will-power, and is able to somewhat disengage his instinct to 'fight' when confronted with an unruly student. But remembering to treat them as people, and not as lesser is something I think we can all try to remember, no matter who we are working with. I like the questions Michelle poses: are we willing to confront our shortcomings? Hopefully, the answer to that is yes. Perhaps we won't always confront them, but if we are willing to, the chance of it actually happening is much more possible. That self-reflection and analysis is something that I think alters our behavior whether we want it to, or not. I've found that I have been more aware of how I interact with others, since I have tried to understand how my interactions with others might impact them. It's also nice to know that you have another chance. In my opinion, it makes it easier to be self-critical (or even to accept criticism from others), because you have a 'do-over'. You hit the nail on the head for me, in that everything can be a lesson. I think that concept is so important to introduce to people as students, as everything feels so much more final and dramatic when you are 15...How much different would your life be now, if years ago someone told you that there was "always another day" to get things right?
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